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We spent that night together. Driving around, stopping by
road side restaurants, sipping tea at 3 in the morning at some local road side
stall. We had the most fun filled evening. On sighting a tamarind orchard, we
even sneaked into the orchard and plucked tamarinds. It was insane, but she was
so much wanting to eat it, that for a moment we didn’t think what is right and
what is wrong. I had never seen her this happy before. Screaming, jumping
around, excited, adventurous, it was as if she was experiencing freedom for the
first time in her life. The very sight of seeing her happy, used to make me
happy.
It was the most wonderful 12-15hours of my life that I had
spent. And so when the time came for me to drop her back at the airport it was
most difficult moment as well. Again I never spoke a word as I drove her to the
airport. Every now and then she would ask why I was so quiet and I would just
dismiss it saying I am trying to concentrate on the road as I am feeling weary.
It was like an action replay. We arriving at the airport yet
again, me dropping off her baggage, trying to convey non-verbally to her, to
not leave. We didn’t speak a word, I smiled at her and just wished she would
walk away before those tears would roll down my cheeks.
As she took her luggage and started to walk, she paused,
looked back and then again began walking towards me. I was not sure what to
expect this time around, as I stood there frozen in time.
“Sidhart, I have never had anyone who loved me so much in my
life, and so when I think of it, I am the most blessed to have you in my life”
That’s when the first tear trickled down my eyes, as she
continued
“Something’s in life are never meant to be. And that’s us.”
And then before she left, she said something that even to
this day resonates in my mind.
“You know Sidhart, I am happy. Happy because I’ll never die.
I will always be alive”
As I stared at her with a look of disagreement, she said
“The best way to stay alive is to be a writer’s muse… “
And she continued “and everything you have written about me
and will write about me in the future will always stay alive and that way I’ll
live forever and everyone will envy me” and she left.
Tears fast started rolling from my eyes. Sneha didn’t know
what to do. She came sat next to me and held my hand, trying to reassure that
it’s still not all over.
This was my 12th sitting with Sneha, my counsellor.
Every sitting I would recall those wonderful moments with Ananya and speak
about them at length. After Ananya left I was never the same. I even forgot my
own smile, and I was just a living being going through life’s motions. I often
felt death is easier an option than having to endure this persistent pain. But the
irony of my life, my love for Ananya was so strong that I didn’t want even my
death to take away those memories what Ananya had gifted me.
I still remember when I first walked into Sneha’s chamber
for counselling, my only condition was she would never treat me for my
condition, but rather just give me a patient hearing. For at no cost I wanted
to let go Ananya. And being a true professional, she did exactly that. And it
was Sneha’s idea that I pen this so that Ananya remains in my blog.
“The best way to stay alive is to be a writer’s muse… “
