The Year 2012

It’s been a year of apocalypse.  There were times when I wished for the Nostradamus Prophesies to come true. The world would ve escaped the Mayan Calendar D-Day, but the year 2012 was in every sense a year of personal cataclysms.

Professionally too it’s been a year I would like to forget and hope I never ever have such a stint again in my career. It was a long drawn skirmish all in vain. Not sure if I would ve dealt with the situation differently if things were balanced on the personal front. But the fact is after reaching the peak, sometimes you ve to fall and the fall is sure painful. Now from where I stand, I see a larger cliff to scale and the road just got more treacherous.

Interestingly it also happens to be a year, where I have not made a single new friend in life. Not jus’ that, it’s also a year where my friends list got right sized. My world became a much smaller place. And without doubt they ve been my strength during my moments of paleness. I have had people who have just held my hand and not spoken a word but maybe that’s all I needed. Friends who never ever asked me “for what?” or “but why?” or “when?”  But just stood beside me.  So here is a big thanks to all you guys.

It’s also been a year to taste hard realities of life. To travel “Cattle Class”, to starve, to realize how valuable money is. Never before in life had I ever imagined I could. But yes, I travelled in a General Compartment Sleeping on the floor in our very own Indian Railways. A bitter reality of life, that it is not always serene. There exists a world where people fight to survive. Life is a melee. A year, where I realized the value of food and took a vow to minimize wasting food.

On a happier note, it’s the year when finally my good friend Rakesh found his partner for life. A wedding we all thoroughly enjoyed.  Congrats to the newlywed couple.

It’s a year when someone came around to proudly claim the youngest cousin title. Those were wonderful moments to hold a new born.

So as 2012 comes to a grinding halt, I quote…
“The journey I'm taking is inside me. Just like blood travels down veins, what I'm seeing is my inner self and what seems threatening is just the echo of the fear in my heart.”
― Haruki Murakami,

A Potrait of Mine by.......

It was one of those days when you are having a bad day at work and are jus' at the end of your wits. And then you see your mobile light up with a new incoming mail  notification.
And I open to see the mail and it instantly brought a big smile to my face and it was a different day after that. Some people really make your life worth living.
This is what the mail had. A sketch of mine by none other than Aman.
I wanted to cherish this moment all my life and so here it is rightly on my blog.

Today also happens to be the Birthday of my pretty little sister(cousin) Sidfa. So here is wishin you many many very many happy returns of the day. I know you don't read my blog. You are still too young. But I am sure someday you will, and I hope this post will bring a smile on your face.
My mom often asks me why I often fight with you and trouble you so much when I am with you. And the answer is pretty simple. I have always wanted and wished to have a younger sister whom I can pamper and somehow you perfectly fill in that void. You will always remain be a special little sister.

It's been a while since I ve blogged. Many of you ve been complainin about not being able to reach me on phone/IM/SocialMedia. I have been quite disconnected from the social space of late. Barring twitter I am literally off all social networking sites.  Guess it's going to remain the same going forward. But yes, I hope to at least get regular with my blog. For my blog has always been about me, my life, my thoughts. my space, my life and my love.

Something What I live by..

My No(n) Veg Dinner

Fazal is synonymous to non-vegetarian. There is hardly been a meal which has been vegetarian in my life. And people who know me well, will vouch by this.
Just yesterday somehow mom managed to convince me for a "STRICTLY VEG" dinner and so it was decided I would  get the parcel on my way back home.

So once at the restaurant, after staring hard at the Veg Section of the Menu for nearly 10 minutes, finally decided to order "Veg-Kolapuri". Placed an order and waited for my food. And in about 15 minutes my food was ready and I headed home.

Cribbing I sat on the dinner table and just when mom was about to serve me the gravy, she was like "FAZAL!!!! What did you order???" With a regret in my voice, I said "VEG-Kolapuri". And then she lifted a piece of chicken from the container and gave me that, is this veg kinda look??
I was aghast. Hell shocked!!!! Even the heavens conspired and here I am, again eating Non-Veg.
It was purely no(n) veg food for dinner

A purpose, A story

The Chirping birds, the piercing winds, the incessant drizzle,
A cliff so high, A gorge so deep, there I was standing in a fizzle.

A purpose in mind, a story to put behind.
I stood there, looking back in time.

A lonely life, A lonely thought, that’s all I had brought.
A lonely presence....
Searching for answers, my life, my essence.
For sometimes I feel no one understands me,
But then what have I been to them?

The strong gust of breeze, was making me freeze
My body so weak, that I was beginning to feel meek.
Time kept ticking and my body kept sinking
With thoughts flowing swift, my mind was beginning to rift.

A purpose in mind, a story to put behind.
I stood there, living back in time.

If there was a king who turned things into gold, everything he touched,
There was me, who lost everything that he loved.
A life of failure, keeps you busy learning
But a life of solitude, leaves you yearning.

Every step that I took in life, took me places
At every step I kept meeting new faces.
Some left soon, others drifted as I walked along.
Few always stay in my heart, where they truly belong.

As the skies opened to pour, I was sinking in my own hour.
With not a soul around, I was quickly losing ground.
As the skies began to thunder, I felt a tremble.
Bright lightning from the skies, steady flow of tears from my eyes.

A lost love, A lost friend, A lost soul
My life was all smelling foul.
Life by itself cannot be unfair, but I have come this far
And seen nothing but mar

A purpose in mind, a story to put behind.
Time for me to put this to an end.

As I take a plunge into the deep abyss,
It was my last attempt to end a void.
As nature opens her arm to welcome me,
I felt the rush through my veins, as if someone putting an end to my reign.
A silent tear, A silent prayer.

A purpose in mind, a story to put behind.
An era put to an end.

-fzl

Heads or Tails?

Someone recently asked me "If you have to decide between the person whom you love or the pain caused by the same person, would you let go the person for all the pain caused or hold on to the person you love?"
My answer was simple... Easier said I know. But I am sure each one makes a decision at some stage or other in their lives.
My answer was "If letting go that one person causes more pain than the pain in itself, I think you have your answer"..

Simply fzl Creation

Click on Image to Enlarge It

Point Of No Return

Reminds of a subject I had studied during my engineering. SOM, Strength of Materials. We learnt about stress, strength, elasticity and other related topics. We could mathematically derive at numbers which would tell us at what level of stress and over what period, a given structure is bound to collapse. To what extent we can stretch a material at the same time ensure it doesn’t break

Likewise, it’s true that any given relationship no matter how sanctum-sacrum it is bound to break at one point of time if constantly subjected to stress. We sure don’t have any scientific formulae’s to derive at that “one point of no return”. But at the same time all it requires is an openness to see things around you to be able to sense the impending doom.

Often, out of greed or selfish interest we fail to see even the very obvious signs, and in the process we end up catalyzing an effect which otherwise would have just tested the elasticity of the relationship.

Relationships are very brittle, extremely fragile. Even one word spoken out of context can cause deep fissures. It’s but foolishness to expect that you can do, say and act the way you want in a relationship and expect the other person to always be nice to you.

We often, may be in a friendship or a relationship put up with many things which we would normally never, as we value the person on the other end. At the same time deep within we wish and pray and hope the other person mends his/her ways so that the very core values you live by are not forever compromised.

But inspite of all that what you do, if a person is not willing to mend ways, and is stubborn and head strong there comes a point of truth.

That brings me to another question. How would you define “Relationship”.

If I were to define, it’s just purely a relation you build from heart. A ship to bridge the two islands which are distant apart.

Certain relationships are implicit on us by birth. Like our parents, our siblings, our relatives. Some we build along as we grow. Our friends, Our neighbors, Our soul mates, our spouse. And the essential ingredient in all these relationships is “trust”.

Once that “trust” is gone, a relationship is doomed for eternity.

It’s easy to forgive a person who has broken your trust, but not to forget. And I personally would never trust the same person again in my life. And that’s when I reach  “ a point of no return”.

Happy Birthday to you.....

It's been a long long time since I last blogged, and though I have always wanted to get regular with this, I have always kept procrastinating it. But what better day than today, the first of April.

A day when the world around is celebrating the "fool in us".

April it is, when I renew my interest in my blog. April has always been a special month for me....

There is another reason which brings to me this blog today :)

Anonymous...

I have lost every single thing that I have loved in life. And now I have begun to love myself alone.

-Anonymous

A Poem.. Alfred Lord Tennyson

Remembered this today suddenly and it had to find a place on my blog.

Home they brought her warrior dead:

She nor swooned, nor uttered cry:

All her maidens, watching, said,

'She must weep or she will die.'

Then they praised him, soft and low,

Called him worthy to be loved,

Truest friend and noblest foe;

Yet she neither spoke nor moved.

Stole a maiden from her place,

Lightly to the warrior stepped,

Took the face-cloth from the face;

Yet she neither moved nor wept.

Rose a nurse of ninety years,

Set his child upon her knee--

Like summer tempest came her tears--

'Sweet my child, I live for thee.'

-Alfred Lord Tennyson