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Point Of No Return

Reminds of a subject I had studied during my engineering. SOM, Strength of Materials. We learnt about stress, strength, elasticity and other related topics. We could mathematically derive at numbers which would tell us at what level of stress and over what period, a given structure is bound to collapse. To what extent we can stretch a material at the same time ensure it doesn’t break

Likewise, it’s true that any given relationship no matter how sanctum-sacrum it is bound to break at one point of time if constantly subjected to stress. We sure don’t have any scientific formulae’s to derive at that “one point of no return”. But at the same time all it requires is an openness to see things around you to be able to sense the impending doom.

Often, out of greed or selfish interest we fail to see even the very obvious signs, and in the process we end up catalyzing an effect which otherwise would have just tested the elasticity of the relationship.

Relationships are very brittle, extremely fragile. Even one word spoken out of context can cause deep fissures. It’s but foolishness to expect that you can do, say and act the way you want in a relationship and expect the other person to always be nice to you.

We often, may be in a friendship or a relationship put up with many things which we would normally never, as we value the person on the other end. At the same time deep within we wish and pray and hope the other person mends his/her ways so that the very core values you live by are not forever compromised.

But inspite of all that what you do, if a person is not willing to mend ways, and is stubborn and head strong there comes a point of truth.

That brings me to another question. How would you define “Relationship”.

If I were to define, it’s just purely a relation you build from heart. A ship to bridge the two islands which are distant apart.

Certain relationships are implicit on us by birth. Like our parents, our siblings, our relatives. Some we build along as we grow. Our friends, Our neighbors, Our soul mates, our spouse. And the essential ingredient in all these relationships is “trust”.

Once that “trust” is gone, a relationship is doomed for eternity.

It’s easy to forgive a person who has broken your trust, but not to forget. And I personally would never trust the same person again in my life. And that’s when I reach  “ a point of no return”.

Happy Birthday to you.....

It's been a long long time since I last blogged, and though I have always wanted to get regular with this, I have always kept procrastinating it. But what better day than today, the first of April.

A day when the world around is celebrating the "fool in us".

April it is, when I renew my interest in my blog. April has always been a special month for me....

There is another reason which brings to me this blog today :)

Anonymous...

I have lost every single thing that I have loved in life. And now I have begun to love myself alone.

-Anonymous

A Poem.. Alfred Lord Tennyson

Remembered this today suddenly and it had to find a place on my blog.

Home they brought her warrior dead:

She nor swooned, nor uttered cry:

All her maidens, watching, said,

'She must weep or she will die.'

Then they praised him, soft and low,

Called him worthy to be loved,

Truest friend and noblest foe;

Yet she neither spoke nor moved.

Stole a maiden from her place,

Lightly to the warrior stepped,

Took the face-cloth from the face;

Yet she neither moved nor wept.

Rose a nurse of ninety years,

Set his child upon her knee--

Like summer tempest came her tears--

'Sweet my child, I live for thee.'

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

A Feeling

In all those stolen glances, our eyes still manage to meet,
In all those words spoken, there is still so much that is unspoken.
In spite of your presence, there is still that absence.
In all those dreams, you live in my realms,
In all these words, there is jus one thing that I express
And it’s nothing but just “a feeling”,
A feeling of being together and with one another.

The day I Quit Life

“STOP!!!” “Wait until you hear me completely. Don’t draw conclusions” I yelled as she turned her back towards me and started to walk away.

Fights between us were soon becoming the order of the day. We were beginning to realize that we had some serious differences and we could no longer breathe down each other’s incompatibilities. On most occasions it was she, who would have the final say and though I didn’t quite approve of it, I still accepted it as I knew I still loved her.

But today, things were different. There is always a point beyond which any person will react. And today was one of those days. It was one of those moments, where a small issue got blown out of proportion, and then one thing led to the other and I felt I have had enough of this. Even before I could realize what I told her, it was way too late. I had just told her something, which she would have never really expected me to say.

As she pushed me aside and started walking away in a hurry, I saw she left a trail of tears behind her. “Damn!!!” I kicked my leg hard. It was an insane moment. And then in my moment of insanity came the deadliest of thoughts which was then going to change my life forever. I looked around, and I instantly found what was just the perfect execution plan.

As I began to climb the steps my feet began to tremble, I was getting shaky. I wondered what people would speak of me tomorrow. What would be the headlines in the paper tomorrow? Would this area get cornered after this?” I very soon reached the topmost area and never realized I managed to climb the high rise as I was so engrossed in my train of thoughts.

True. Suicide it was. One easy way to put things to logical conclusion. Logical? Yes. After all that what I had told her today, there was never really a hope of reconciliation between the two of us. And I simply didn’t want to live a life without her.

I was always scared of heights, but still i wondered why of all the things, I had chosen to jump off this high rise? Again, it was my love towards to her. For she always kept telling me that someday we ll hold each other’s hand and jump off a cliff if we cannot get married to each other.

I looked down trying to fathom the depth. I saw a dark spot in my eye and it was the fear that was turning me blind. They say you need courage to commit suicide. And I never before had suicidal tendency. But then this was not suicide. It was my love that had come crashing, and so my life.

I tried to push myself ahead and leap to death, but somehow the fear of falling was stronger than the compelling thought to end it. It is any human’s natural instinct to protect oneself. I lifted my right leg and put it ahead of me hoping the imbalance would make me stumble to death. But then again I was conscious of my fall.

I tured around, like a coward. I sure deserved a cowards death. And this I felt was more easy. I took a few strides forward, and then closed my eyes tight and began to walk backwards.

Did I just hear her scream out my name???

It was late, I screamed out in fear. I was fast heading down and I could hear her scream loud in fear. The last I remembered was a thumbing sound and my body went cold.

YES!!!! I finally managed to put our fights to end. I had eventually conquered my fear of heights and taken a dive into the pool. I proved to her, if not as good as her, I too can dive. And at last put an end to her nagging.

As I stepped out the pool, she came running towards me gave me a tight hug. It was the most daring thing I had done in my life ever. But then it was all for the one whom I loved.