Happy Birthday Fazluu....

Happy Birthday Fazlu....

And as the clock strikes 00:00:00hrs I turn 30 today!!!! And here I am sitting with my laptop blogging. Sure must be one of a birthday celebration. Sitting in front of system  all day.

Fazlu? Nope, it’s not a new family of Aalu (the Hindi word for Potato) though physically I might have some resemblance to that vegetable. Nor is it any telugu word. Yes add 'alu' to most words and you are already speaking Telugu.
Then you must be wondering what is this 'Fazlu'?
That's how one of my distant uncle had jus' couple of days back addressed me when I had greeted him on his birthday. And I somehow liked the way it sounded when he said that...

So, that’s one long innings. When I turned 20 from 19 a decade ago it was a great feeling. Today when I turn 30 from 29, I suddenly feel old.  Every morning when I stand in front of the mirror jus’ before leaving for office, all the grey hair strands remind me I am fast aging. Not to forget my ever so fast receding hair line which adds may be another couple of virtual years to my actual age. So much for looks.

So what about life?

As a son?

People often get better with age, but I guess it’s been the opposite with me. The best example was when jus’ the other day during one of the conversations, mom told me that, She was a lot happier when I was a kid! I used to be every moms’ envy.  She didn’t have to worry about me. But these days I cause her more anxiety and pain and she is always worried. To the extent that she is simply scared to leave me alone these days. For someone who has lived a good portion of her life for me, when you see her in tears and you know you re the reason behind it that’s when you regret the 30 long years you’ve lived.

As a brother?

Another pillar of my strength, my sister! The one person I run to every time I need something. The only person on my chat list these days. If even I can be half as good as she is with me, I would be the world’s best brother. And that’s a title I will never even come close to.

Being that special someone?

This is one part of my life which I wouldn’t even want to get into now. Probably, one of the biggest failures of my life. I ve failed miserably. I always felt and was told I would always make a good partner. Not until I realized how bad I can be and how suffocated someone could be in my presence.  Let me not even get there! This is when I am happy for all those people who for whatever reasons were not able to be part of my life.  I am so glad they are at least leading a better life.

As a professional?

Minus the last couple of years, I ve probably had a great stint at my career. Not sure but for some reason the last couple of years have been very depressing at the career front too.

As a friend?

The people who make me feel good these days are my friends. May be because I am a good listener by nature and can really keep things to myself, My friends pour in with their darkest secrets and tell it all. Often people keep running into me for advices when it comes to relationship issues and career counseling.  I tell them, of all people I am the wrong person considering my every own example of failure. But still they insist. Not sure if what I tell them works for them or do they even follow it, but they always come back to me. Makes me all the more curious because nothing ever worked for me :)
Or it’s jus that they wanted someone to listen to them and I am always there.

These days I feel I should probably take up Professional Counseling as Full time Career. I already enjoy a good client base. But maybe they come to me cos I don’t charge them. The moment I start to charge them, I am sure they ll be super charged to run away from me.

Ummm…..
So that’s 30years of my life achievements in random. No reasons to feel proud and nothing to celebrate.
But of course, I need to thank one and all who have made me what I am today. For all your support and patience. For always being there for me. For standing by me.  Thanks, thanks a ton.You all have shaped my life in one way or the other..

So here’s me wishing myself, a very happy birthday….. Year 2013 April 18

It’s been more than a year since I last posed exclusively in front of a camera or had a pic of mine taken. Just last week I had some snaps taken. So I felt it’s time to upload the latest version of me on this very day.

A Reunion.... Contd Part2

Part1/Recap

She was as such pretty shaken by tonight’s incident, and I could see the chill wind was making her freeze. That’s when I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her and at that moment when our eyes met I sensed the warmth and care the two of us had enjoyed between us was never lost even after all these years. We still cared the same if not any more for each other.

There was a long silence between us as we were driving back. She was holding me tight from behind with her hands around my waist and resting her face against my back. As we continued driving back she asked me if ever I expected her at the reunion today. To which I said, I was hoping that she would come. And I guess that’s the only dialogue we exchanged the entire distance apart from me enquiring the route to her home.

As I pulled my bike in front of her apartment she got down and tightly wrapped her arms around my jacket which she was now wearing. It was indeed cold. And then came the next unexpected thing from her. She asked me if I was in a hurry to get back home.  I was home alone and so I really had no better work.

She suggested we walk down a couple of lanes to a coffee shop nearby.  The two of us often used to go on long walks during college days. I guess it was during those long walks we got to know each other better. I have always enjoyed long walks, and if there was one person who equally enjoyed walking just as much as I, it was always her.  Our conversations since those very days used to be very mature ones. She was one of those rare gifted one’s - a beauty with brains. I still remember each time she was upset she would call me for a walk. And by the end of the walk we would ve put all our qualms behind us.

“Thinking about our college days” she asked.

“How did you guess”

“You ve been silent for quite some time, normally you talk a lot when we walk”

Trying to change the topic and not wanting to get dragged into our college day conversations, I smiled and said,

“It’s been almost 5 years since we last met each other and I was thinking nothing has really changed between us."

She burst out laughing, “You sure nothing has changed???”

Sure lots of things have changed since then. She had got married; she is a mom now, and yes she had just separated from her husband and was now staying with her daughter. And I was married too and living a broken marriage. As I looked confused not sure what she was inferring, she gently pushed her hand around my hand and slid her fingers between my fingers and gently clenched onto it and said “Now!!! Nothing has changed!!!”

She didn’t stop, she continued “You must be wondering why am I acting this way rite?”

I stopped to walk, I turned towards her our hands still holding, “I ve known you for long and I know when something is worrying you. And you very well know I will never ask you and will wait for that moment when you are going to tell me all. And I am sensing that moment is now”

The moment I finish my statement tears fast started rolling down her cheeks.

Sensing we were out on the street and the situation could turn awkward if someone saw us, I made her aware of our surrounding and she was able to gather herself back.

As we continued our walk towards the coffee shop I kept her engrossed in a conversation about her kid. And like all mom’s she had so much to say about her little daughter that our entire conversation for the reminder of the walk and at the coffee shop and the walk back was all about her kid.

As we approached her apartment it was already past mid night now. And as we were still discussing about her little one, out of nowhere came the next unexpected.

“Do you wanna meet my little one? I know how much you love kids. Wanna come in and meet her?  I am sure you will love her.”

To be Contd....

Emotions

Some emotions can't be explained. And they are better enjoyed than explained. I jus saw a pic of my little nephew's first day @ school n I don't know why I had tears in my eyes :')