Time for me to accept......

Sitting by the window in a crowded bus,
I was all set for a new destination...

Not knowing where I was heading,
I was sure I was only heeding,
Heeding to my thoughts
Which always brought with it droughts...
Droughts of lonliness....

I tried hard not to think about her,
But I had no control over my tots,
Cos my heart was all but her's..
Trying hard to recollect myself,
I knew I was making a futile attempt....

Running away from something, is easy
But might lead into a frenzy...
I leaned against the window,
Staring hard outside at the meadow...

People kept flocking in and out,
And the bus kept moving ahead...
For a moment i was left wondering,
Isn't our life also based on the same learning

People come and go in life,
Some stay a little short, some stay a little rife..
Some people are close to heart,
And some hard to part...
The journey called life keeps moving,
While people keep coming and going....

As i got absorbed into my past,
Tears started to roll fast...
She was not just any other person,
She was my only reason....
A Reason to live....

To me, What life has to offer,
I know time will confer...
But as I lay back and mourn,
It was now my turn...
My turn to un-board, not just from the bus,
But from the bus of my tots...

Unsure where i am heading,
I guess it's time I stop riding,
Riding on the wave of tots...
For life has gifted me some moments,
Which I know no one can torment..

As i learn to live with just her memories..
Its about time my I break my eyries...
Its about time i accept the fact,
That she is no longer a part of my act..

-fzl

To you, i owe....

I see her everyday, but still there are lot of things about her that I don't notice.
I speak to her everyday, but I never tell her how much i Love her.
I listen to her everyday, but half the time I am lost in my own world.

I take her for granted, still she continues to love me .
She continues to love me more by each passing day....
I scream at her when I am angry,
But seldom do things that make her happy...

I try to bring constant changes into my life, she always adjusts...
And one small request from her, I sternly desist....

Inspite of all the differences we share...

Looking back, over the years we ve been together,
It's hard to even imagine a day without her...
And I am sure it must be the same with her as well.
And it's not just with her, I am sure that will be the same with all "Mothers"...
May be that's why we all love our "Mom's" so much....



May be that's why as kids, the FIRST sensible word that we all say is "Mom" (The way we address her might be different depending on the region/religion/lang)
May be that's why in time of pain and anguish, that word that comes outta our mouth is "Mom"

There have been blogs that I have dedicated to my friends, to my love, to my manager, to my team mates, and to many more...
And as always I have never dedicated something to that one person, because of whom, I am what I am today....

So this blog is dedicated to "MY Mother" dear. Without her even my blog would be incomplete.

There are no words to thank you, there are no actions that will compliment your selfless love your ve showered me all my life.. There is nothing in this world that can be compared to you....

"I love myself, because you loved me first"
Love you Mom...............

Year 2008, Rewind

As the year 2008 makes its place into our memories and as we all enter the new year hoping for a better year ahead, I look back into the year.....

I am happy cos...
I got two international trips this year.. first a one month long vacation at Dubai with my sister and later a 3 month long business trip to Europe. Both have been very memorable esp Dubai being my maiden Voyage.

Alhamdulillah, I still hold a job for myself even during the time of global recession. It's this job that gives me the luxury of sitting at home at peace and blog.

I bought myself a car :) hehe... After eating up into all my savings so far :( which actually is bad i know. Most might say why does fazal need a car? Ya..I too think the same now..

I am sorry....
I missed my friends wedding. It was always something that I wanted to attend, but things so happened that I was no where even near during that time. Now some of you reading this might be wondering who is this dear friend of mine??? :) Dont worry,I am not gonna say it here ;) But i am sure that person will read this blog.. So hear is a "BIG SORRY" to you..... I dont know how many times i ve have told you a sorry before this..

I am sad...
I lost/broke my dear cell. My first ever cell that i had bought from my hard earned money. Now i now many will not agree its hard earned. After all its not that hard to go and sit infront of the computer all day :) But people, ask a person who does this and you will know how hard it is.. Not just the cell, i lost all my contacts, I lost all the messages in it, I lost a good part of my life with it.... And in the end ended up buying a new cell at a time when i was facing a cash crunch.

What I missed...
On a lighter side, As always I missed out again on lotta pretty ones like every year :) somehow the the miss rate of missing all the "miss's" has been very high ;)

A good appraisal inspite of having got a 5 on 5 rating. It was no my fault that my appraisal fell during the economic recession. Was it not for the timing, I would sure have been an overpaid techie ;)

What i learnt.....
Thanks to my stay in Austria, I learnt how to cook :) YES!!! I can cook, be it veg, non-veg, rice, noodles or chappatis, I can now cook food which is edible and at times tasty :)

What i lost and re-gained....
Haha.. No doubt, weight :) After having shed some very serious weight after a 3 month long stay away from home, now i am back to sqaure one. That reminds me i have to add one more point to the section what i learnt.. Staying away from home is the best way to lose weight atleast for guys like me who have great respect for food, by making sure not to waste food :)

What surprised me..
I have 3 followers for my blog :) Outta the blue.. Makes me happy...

Lastly what i hate and hope will no longer happen....
I really hate all you readers who read my blog and leave no comments. Plzzzzz... leave comments :) I love hearing from you ;) I am not hear to just speak.. I am hear to hear from all you folks....

I miss you.....

I first held her hand, I was In love..
She looked at me surprised...
I looked into her eyes and gave her a reassurance, she smiled, her eyes moist....
Time passes by....

I hold her hand with a firm grip, we were in love,
She smiled her heart away...
I kept speaking, and she kept smiling......
I kept silent, she understood and she made me smile.......
Time passes by....

I hold her hand tight now, I fear I will loose her...
She looks at me and smiles....
I dont know what to tell her, but she looks at me and smiles, I know she understands....
Time passes by...

I let go the warmth of her hand, I know I will never be the same again...
She looks at me and smiles...
I said nothing, but just looked into her eyes with a broken promise, she smiled, but this time with tears rolling.....
Time passes by....

I look at my hand, I realize I have nothing in there...
I look at myself and smile....
I have nothing more to say in life... Cos I never said anything when you really wanted me to speak.....

"I miss you......... "

-fzl

Funny, but Ironic

The apathy of the Media..... "Mumbai under Siege".... Nov 26th 2008

A Salute to the Indian Security Forces

Nov 26th Thursday 2008, 10PM..
Sitting at the comforts of my home I was watching a movie and enjoying the movie here in Bangalore, while a little north from here, the financial capital of India, "Amchi Mumbai" (our Mumbai) was being torn apart by a handful of militants.
24hrs down, this city is still under siege. The landmarks of Mumbai like the "Taj Hotel" is still under the control of militants. Hundreds killed in the city, which includes Foreign nationals, common people like you and me and some high profile cops and security forces.
It's a dark day in the history of India which I know people will never forget for years to come. And my heart bleeds for all those innocent killed, more for the brave security forces of India, who without caring for their own lives, even now at this very moment are fighting out an intense battle with the militants to secure the safe release of hostages.

I sometimes wonder what is it that these men are made up off? You and I today are not willing to step out of the comforts/security of our homes fearing terror, fearing for our lives, but these men who are in no way related to us, step out and risk their lives to save people who are total strangers to them. What do they get at the end of it, a "Paramvir Chakr" and a few thousand rupees compensation? And in the next few weeks they are forgotten. What happens to their families? Don't they also have a family like us? Don't they also long to live a life like we do?

Its a sorry state for a nation like ours, where in the government we elect is helpless and toothless. All governments previous and past have sold this country and have been more keen on breaking the country in the name of caste, religion, region, caste, creed, sex what not.
I would not like to get into this topic at this moment as I am already very upset and disturbed after seeing all the sights on TV for the last 24 hrs...

This blog is more to Salute the brave forces of India. This blog is to reach out to all those millions of Soldiers who safe guard you and me without even thinking whether the person they are protecting is a Hindu, Muslim, Christian or anyone else for that matter. They work selflessly, relentlessly all through the year because to them, their nation matters. They love their country.

It's when I think of people like them that I time and again say to myself "Mera Bharat Mahaan". Yes my country is indeed great thanks to all the Security Forces, who protect people like you and me, who take all those bullets coming our way onto with their broad chests with a sense of Pride.....
No matter what the rest of the world says and thinks, no matter what my fellow Indian's say or think, India my country is the most beautiful place on earth with all rich diversity and heritage.

I salute all you folks in the security forces.... Jai Hind!!!

Are you insured?

With rumors flying thick and thin, about fazal going to buy a car, there is a sudden surge in the number of people rushing to insure their lives and properties. Bangalore is seeing a boom in life insurance, thanks to fazal... :)

Celebrating 3 years at work

As fazal completes 3 years at work, fbs (fazalblogspot) caught up with fazal to share some of his momentous moments over the last 3 years. Here are some interview extracts....

Fbs : Hello fazal. Congrats on having completed 3 years at work. So how are you planning to celebrate this occasion?
Fzl : Thank you :) (All confused and all excited - this is the first time someone is interviewing fazal)
I still find it hard to believe that I have completed 3 years. It feels like I just completed my graduation yesterday.
And coming to the celebration plans? I have just decided to spend the day at office going about my usual chores. I don't want my 3rd anniversary to be my last working day at office.

Fbs : (laughing) So fazal how has it been, these 3 years of work life?
Fzl : Its been a potpourri. A period of ups and downs, Joy and sorrow. Hatred and love, learning and de-learning. Only good thing in life is that I now I have financial independence :) (But I still have my loans to repay and credit card bills to settle - can I still call it financial independence?)

Fbs : The one defining moment in your career over the last 3 years?
Fzl : Oh, that's a tough one. Because there have been lots of defining moments, some personal some official. So I would not pick one moment. (But actually yes, the day I decided to become an s/w engineer was the most defining moment in my life. I dug my own grave)

Fbs: Your lessons learnt?
Fzl : ha-ha... It's true when people say, learning never ends in life. Every single day at work you learn something new. It could be a thing as simple as how can I get along with the person sitting next to me.
However something that I would want to share...
* You as a resource is at the end of the day are only as good as how good your manager is. You might have done the shabbiest of works or the best of work. But if your manager is no good, then you are in for tough times in your career.
* You need to learn to say "NO" to some things. Else you will become a loser at work who ends up doing all possible work for everyone around you and people will walk away with all the credit.
* Your company is not there to look into your welfare. After all they are doing business, be it with their clients or with their employees. Their welfare is all that matters.
* Never get emotionally attached to people in your project or work. It makes life a lot difficult. Learn to be practical in life.
* For heaven’s sake, stay out of office romance. Office is not a place to flirt or make love. (But only a looser like me will miss out on the pretty ones, so you guys better take her number and call her after office or meet her outside office)
* Lastly try managing a balance with your personal life and official life. Try not taking your work home. Try not carrying your mood home. Your family has no role to play for the bad day you have had in office.
I know I have still not succeeded in this. But I am trying.

Fbs: (yawning) fazal, how is it that you have stuck on to the same company for 3 years?
Fzl: Oh, I hate job hopping. I love my job and my work place.
(Liar!!! The truth - I know if I quit here, no other company will take a dumb guy like me)
And in my case, I do not have to change companies. The company itself is changing. From aztec to aztecsoft to now Mindtree

Fbs: So looks like you really love your company?
Fzl: Huh, I wouldn’t wish even my worst enemy such bad days in life.
(If my employers’ are reading this.. Oh, I don’t ever remember giving such an interview, guess they heard or understood me wrong, I can give a press conference to clarify things)

Fbs: fazal, how is it that a person like you, and we still haven't heard a SINGLE gossip about you being behind/ going on with someone at work?
Fzl: ha-ha.... (Moron!!! what does he mean by person like me!! Freak!) Smiles.
Like I said before, I hate the concept of love at work. And more over, girls these days are getting smarter and smarter which is not helping. And these days you never know, a slightest gesture might be taken the wrong way, and the last thing I would want is being shown the door for the wrong reasons. :) I value my job.
(Are all losers good at coming up with such good excuses or is it just me?)

Fbs: Any plans of marriage? Guess all the bloggers reading this would be interested to know...
Fzl: (Laughs) only a totally insane father will get his daughter married to me at this stage. And I don't think any father will hate his daughter to such an extent that he might want to get her married her to me. It’s not just about "fazal" the person, the software Industry itself is entering into its bad days, time alone will tell who all manage to see off this rough tides ahead.

Fbs : Thanks fazal, it’s been a pleasure to have you on our blog and having spent some time with us
Fzl : Thanks for having me, it’s always been my pleasure to share my thoughts with you guys. (Hurray… that’s my first interview, which will be published live on fazal’s blogspot)

Recession and me.....

Come economic recession and there seems to be sudden change in everything around me.... This is a time where most of we, so called techies are the least sort out people and this is a time when the moment i say I am a s/w professional the first question that pops out of the other person's mouth is, "Oh, so how are things". Indirectly he/she just meant "do you still have a job?", or are also a victim global layoff trend.

There was this article the other day in the paper which said, that the demand of techies has gone down in the marriage market! :) Ya, you heard it rite, in the marriage "MARKET". These days marriage is also a business. Probably the only business venture I might venture into or rather take a plunge into :D

Coming back, Today when I sit to blog, I am totally fatigued. Fatigued because of all the work load. The work over the last few months has been so much that there have been days when I never even got to take a 10 mins break from work. I miss going to the cafeteria and spending long hours there trying to get familiar with all faces :) I miss that luxury of coming to office late, and leaving early :) I miss that luxury of having to just pretend I am working hard and at the end of each month take home a fat pay cheque, I miss that luxury of not taking my managers seriously and threatening my management that I will drop my papers if my concerns are not looked into :) - Ya, i miss all that.... hehe...

Today are the times, when I come in early to office everyday , stay back late, skip my lunch, cut down on those frequent breaks, no time to forward mails to all my other friends whose Inbox are craving for my mails, cannot think of back answering my manager even though at times what he speaks and says is way absurd.

Guess we have always been the cursed lot. I felt this when the other day I had been for a hair cut to a saloon, and my hair stylist (don't laugh you people, its not that only actors/actresses can afford a hair stylist, even a techie can afford one hair stylist, after all he is the one who tries to gives me a smart look) from no where says this "Aaag beeku sir.. Ee nan makallu, s/w engineers tumba ne egar aad bitturu. Beku, kalili avaru" ....
Oh.. for all those who don't understand Kannada or as not as proficient as me in this language, this is what he meant "They deserve it, those @*!% s.w engineers were acting too much, they must learn a lesson"
Did he for a moment forget that I too am a software professional :) May be he did thanks to my dumb looks, But at least I tried to forget that I am one :)

Oops.. My messenger is blinking.Here comes my client..... Guess I better wind this blog up, because I have to get back to work. Its 5 am on a Thursday morning and I am here at office in front of my system writing this blog. No, no.. Not that I have no work, just that I wanted a break. My mind was wanting to break free, and what better option for me than this....
Its like being payed to write a blog at office.... hehe (Ofcourse these are my billable hours to the client, Just hope they are not reading my blog.....)
But I am not complaining, because I am still lucky to have a job, to have a project, to be able to blog during work hours and to be taking my salary home at the end of each month :)

And for all those people who hate us, thing again.....
"The world would not have been a better place without us"
YES, its WE who made you all lazy. So its we who have gifted you the luxury of Laziness having to fore go our laziness. You owe us all. So please pray for us :)

To all my friends.....

It was Nov3rd and I called to greet a good friend of mine, "A Very Happy Birthday"... As we were speaking, she bought out an interesting observation. That through the entire year, there are only two days in a year when we speak/call each other :o!!!
And what are those two days? One, my birthday when she calls to wish me and the other, her birthday when i call to wish her.......
Now when I come to think of it, it's not just her , I guess Fazal calls all his friends (rather at least some of his friends) just once a year. That's on their birthday. Provided that I remember that it's their birthday or someone reminds me. Not my fault you see, I am growing old, so friends who are reading this blog and if I have not called to greet you this year on your birthday, I am sorry, I had lost my phone and so I had lost all your numbers, please mail me your contact number and your DOB so that I don't miss it at least the coming year....
I was wondering, why then do I need a cell phone? When I never call anyone though I have almost 200 plus contacts in my address book. Weird. I too have no answer to this question :)
But may be that's the way I am. Someone who does not socialize much, someone who keeps more to himself. Someone who is LAZY to make calls :) hehe

So this blog is to reach out to all those friends of mine, "Fazal will hardly ever call you, that does not mean he does not like you or he has forgotten you. Its just that Fazal is forgotten that he is a social being." So please feel free to call me when even you think of me :)
For you are the only assets in my life whose value only keeps appreciating with time unlike all the stocks and the other plans where i have invested my money in :)

fazal the techie???

Scene : fazal goes to attend a training session......
Fazal is handed over a form to fill .....
Fazal fills up the form in style with his dirty little handwriting(which looks like a small kids writing -thats what most people say... I ignore comments that don't please me)
Fazal lifts his hand and the volunteer comes to collect my form and takes a quick glance to ensure I have filled the form correct, and then the volunteer bursts out laughing...
Fazal tries to desperately recall each word he wrote in the form....
Volunteer tries to control her laughter but fails. On seeing fazal going red she stops...
Leans toward fazal, comes close and whispers.... Still trying hard not to laugh
"Fazal, it's not the lingual languages that you know, the field refers to the programming languages you know. Could you please fill up another form for us? "
BING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey.. It was not my fault.... I was being honest in the form which asked me about the languages that I knew :)
And it's a fact that those are the only languages i know :)

The truth above reviews...

Last "Diwali" while i was out looking to buy a new TV for home, I was confused as to what to buy given the plethora of brands in the market, and choices within each brands. That's when a good friend of mine warned me, before you buy any product go on line and read the reviews.
Makes sense, and so I started to read all reviews about the various models I came across and eventually after having read and analyzed them, it was easy for me to make a choice and finally I did manage to buy a TV. One year down the line, I can happily claim, I made a good choice.
And ever since I have been living in this world of reviews. Before I step out into the market to buy any gadget or any machinery or any article, I read all possible reviews and then try and make my mind.
But now this addiction to reading reviews and then deciding on what to do, is taking its toll on my already very confused mind which almost likes every second thing my eyes sees :)
Over the last few weeks since I have lost my cell, I have done all possible RnD and read almost all reviews available on every single phone that I have liked, and every single phone that the reviewer recommends. All and all, my already confused mind made me even more confused after having read the countless reviews.
With the number of Internet users growing every single second, more and more people getting tech savvy and gadget crazy, things are not getting any better for people like me who try to get some information from the "Guru's" about the products through their reviews. These days anyone and everyone is a self proclaimed guru or wants to be a Guru.
The truth that I have come to realize and something that i strongly believe in is..
No two people under the sky are same. No two people under the sky think the same or feel the same. So its quite obvious given a single product to two different people, both will have different opinions and rightly so. Now multiply this factor with the number of people using a single product and this translates to the number of diverse reviews you will get about most products. And in the end, a person like me who spent almost 3 weeks reading reviews about all the phones, comes to realize that eventually all handsets in the market are faulty.
I was so scared to buy a phone of which I had read a review, cos it seemed like I am knowingly buying a faulty piece.
So what do i buy???
This is when "fazal" the guru(yes the self proclaimed) wakes up....
Simple.. Just buy a cell about which you have never read a review!!!!!

And So Today FINALLY when i bought myself a phone, I was happy :) happy, not because I have bought myself a new cell, happy because I have bought myself a phone which has no known faults..

Sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss :)

A Hug, A Kiss....

It’s magic each time we hold each other, each time we cuddle, and each time we kiss. I feel goosebumps all over again. I never want to let you go for fear of losing you, so I just hold on a little bit tighter each day, refusing to let go. You will never know the warmth I feel inside me when I’m with you. You’re all I ever wanted.

A new look for a new feel....

After I have shed a huge load of flab, and dawned this slim and young look, I guess its about time I gave my blog also a new look... And yes, the line above is for all those friends of mine who over the last few years have called me fat..... I never knew losing weight could be so easy :)
Na... No exercises, no help of dietitians, no nothing..
Just a simple mantra - stay away from mom's love and mom's food ;)
But i don't advice anyone to follow the above said method :)
So coming back... This is a new dawn for my blog as well, with a brand new look.. As the sun rises above, looking for sunny and bright days ahead...
In the meantime, feedbacks and suggestions welcome to help me improve me on this or build on this...

Something i realized after i lost my cell...

Something I realized over the last few days without my cell....
There are only 3 phone numbers that I remember and are still fresh on my mind, yes... ONLY THREE out of the huge list of contacts that i call regularly....
Curious to know what those three numbers are??? :)
Yes Of course I remember my very own number....
Second, my home land line number :)
And the third?? A number which I had called may be 3 years back... Yes, Its been more than 3 years now since i last called that number, but I still remember that number :)
No Guesses as to whose number it is?
No wonder people say, some people in life are always special, even after all these years, I still remember everything about her, and everything associated with her...... Its like i had called her just a few minutes back and spoken to her....
Some footprints last forever :)

The day i lost my phone.....

To my fast growing list of personal losses, one more to add... my dear cell phone :'(
Thanks to the roads in Bangalore, the road rage that creeps into me time and again and above all my reckless driving, I dropped my cell onto the busy roads of Hosur Road, and worse still I never realized my dear phone was not with me until I reached my friends place and started digging into my pocket fanatically for my mobile. Thats when I realized...
Pulled my friend out in a desperate attempt to get my phone back... Traced all my route back to office and kept trying my phone desperately hoping some good person will attend will the call and return the phone back to me. Optimistic I must say... Foolish, that's what you all will call me.. Esp after having lost the phone in a city like Bangalore where people are robbed in broad day light...
Eventually someone did attend my call, but no sooner could I open my mouth in excitment, the person on the other end cut the call :'( The END???
No, i still kept trying.. after having given hundreds of call, finally a person attended the call and spoke up... An auto driver said he found my phone and the phone was with him.. All excited and desperate to get back my phone, made a deal with the person who demanded a ransom to gimme back my dear one...
Just as you see in all movies, he asked me to come to all different places, one place after the other, kept changing locations, and finally after I called it quits, the driver having realized that this was his last chance, met me.
I had to re-buy my very own cell from him for a full 1000 bucks (with 1000's of bugs in them) !!!! Still I didn't mind. Because there are lot of things on that phone that I really never want to let go.. Fond memories, messages that take me back to my good old days.......
But my excitement didn't last long, the very moment the person handed over the phone to me, I heart was in tears.... My phone display was all in shatters and I could see nothing.......
Yes, a virtual the end....

A dedication....

what you really are... is not what you see yourself in the mirror..

what you really are... is not what you hear from others..

what you really are... is something for you to see... and see it from my eyes to know what you really are :)

The 3 mistakes of MY life

Keep watching this area.. Coming soon...

Stolen words ;)

My life.....

Its not that i wanted to be lonely...
Its not that i like to be lonely...

But each step i take forward in life..
The lonelier i get....